In Gratitude

This week, I've realised something huge - the old South Africa and (some of) the USA are very much alike; which is why so much of the USA stuff triggers me. It brings back a lot of bad memories. Maybe I've just been exceptionally unlucky, or maybe I've just been more aware. Either way, it was often nothing huge, just constant small slap downs. Slap... slap... slap... until you either break and give in or burst into Fury.

And for how to control the Fury and use it... I owe that to my mom and dad.

I had parents whose motto was, "If you see wrong - fix it, help it, heal it, and ALWAYS SPEAK OUT about it."

I had great role models. Tiresome at times. As a teenager, I didn't always appreciate the fact my parents stood up and got involved. As a teen you just want to be popular. But even then, I learned a lot, and it's made me a better person. I am so grateful for their foundation.

And thank you, Srinivas Shastri, for constantly reminding me that the most powerful and healing Fury is tempered in kindness. You gave me a better view of my self.

And thank you to the women (my mom, friends and family) who taught me how to release the Fury. I tended to bottle up my anger, in fear of doing harm. I have often been the "self harmer" - preferring to be the one hurt rather than hurting. It took several wise women to teach me to trust my own voice and not back down when others tried to manipulate me. You all gave me my voice.

My Body is Mine - Your body is Yours

The recent news that the USA Supreme court has overturned Roe vs Wade is a dark day for women living there. For all women, really. To have 50 years of bodily autonomy declared irrelevant overnight impacts  all of us.

I'm tired now.

I'm tired of having to explain why a foetus (no matter whether it is loved or wanted, or feared and not wanted) is not a person. A foetus may be the potential to become a person, but as a potential "maybe" it cannot hold the same legal rights as the woman whose body it is in. The woman already is a person... or the girl, as in the recent case of the ten-year-old rape victim who had to flee to another USA state in order to have the abortion she needed.

WHO THE HELL REFUSES TO HELP A TEN-YEAR-OLD RAPE VICTIM?

I am angry now.

More angry than I have words to form into coherent thought. But thankfully, I'm not alone. From Australia to Africa, to Europe and Canada... women all over the world are angry both for their sisters in the USA but also for themselves. Everywhere I look, women are sharing their anger and their stories. Best of all, I'm seeing MEN stand up and say, "We are angry too; this is wrong." From Kendrick Lamar to men I know personally - friends and family. It's still far too few men, but it is a start.

I am grieving now.

This has brought back memories of not having my body treated as my own. I only realised this looking back - too late - my body was never treated as mine. When I first showed signs of endometriosis, in my 20s, the gynaecologist I was sent to ignored the signs and instead went on this weird rant. Instead of  focussing on my symptoms and why I was actually there, he raged at me for being single and how I needed to take better care of my ability to have children.

I wasn't a person with health concerns - I was a womb. I wasn't someone in pain - I was an incubator.

In my 30s, when endometriosis nearly killed me twice over, I should have been offered a hysterectomy. I wasn't. I should have had all the full implications of "staying able to have children" explained to me. It wasn't. And as a result, the damage in my 40s was *extensive and life-altering. I was sacrificed to keep my fertile, for a future man who never existed until when I finally did marry, I was too damaged to ever keep a pregnancy and too damaged to ever live a full and healthy life.

My body is mine. My body WAS mine. Why wasn't it ever treated that way?

I am determined now.

I will not shut up. I will not let any other woman or girl not know that HER BODY is HERS ALONE, but we now have a huge battle ahead of us. The Patriarchy has to go. It is an ancient toad, sitting in a swamp it created with its own warped mental excrement. It always was a lie and now, more and more, it cannot hide. The swamp is being drained and no matter how ferociously it fights, it will become extinct.

It is inevitable.  

Are You part of the Solution or part of the Problem?

 

For this special edition of Blogblast for Peace, I'd like to focus on one question: 

Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?

For me, the conflict in Ukraine is shining a huge spotlight on all the things that need to change before humans can ever hope to have world peace.

It's impressive how many countries are offering homes to Ukrainian refugees, but also completely  hypocritical. The UK voted for Brexit in large part to stop the influx of migrant workers and refugees. They have even tried to make it illegal for ships to rescue refugees at sea. In the USA, Americans who voted for Trump wanted pretty much the same - no more refugees, no more illegal immigrants. Build that wall! Similar in Australia, with their refugee detention centres.

If you are completely behind your country allowing in Ukrainians, but not willing to speak out at those refugees dying in oceans and trucks, still held in detention centres, then you are part of the problem. 

By Adam.J.W.C. - Own work, CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=14985392

 

If you think Putin should be tried for war crimes, for invading Ukraine, but are not also lobbying to see Tony Blair and President Bush stand trial for lying about Sadam having weapons of Mass destruction in order to invade Iraq... you are part of the problem.

A 2016 study by Carnegie Mellon University professor Dov Levin found that the United States intervened in 81 foreign elections between 1946 and 2000, with the majority of those being through covert, rather than overt, actions.^[91][92] A 2021 review of the existing literature found that foreign interventions since World War II tend overwhelmingly to fail to achieve their purported objectives.^[93]

If you truly stand for Peace, for justice and a better way, you cannot pick and choose which country you support. That's how world wars start, when others "pick a side".

If you cannot be objective - you are part of the problem.

Wars and conflict do not start in a vacuum; they tend to erupt after unresolved issues are ignored for decades and/or when other countries intervene... and other countries do not intervene unless there's something in it for them. Humans as individuals can be caring and altruistic, but world governments are rarely into self-sacrifice for the Greater Good. Governments do what is best for themselves and their country first. All of them. And as such, their participation in any conflict is at best "dark grey" vs "light grey".

If you see one side, in any conflict, as "Good" and the other as "Evil" - you are part of the problem.

We now know that there were several German resistance movements who fought against the Nazis, but back in WWII the whole attitude was that EVERY German was evil. Britain rebranded products to remove any trace of Germany. So German Biscuits became Empire Biscuits and the British Royals dropped their German titles. And now I see people online talking about hating Russians, because of Ukraine. That they're not drinking Vodka any more because it is Russian... seriously?

Have we learned NOTHING?

If you think Russians are responsible for their leader's choices, then should those Americans who disliked Trump claim full responsibility for the things he did, even though they never voted for him? And do those Americans who did vote for Trump now feel they have to shoulder the responsibility for whatever Biden chooses to do? I doubt it. Everyday people have very little control over what their governments and leaders decide to do. 

If you see ANY country's population as completely culpable for what their leaders/military do... you are absolutely part of the problem!

I know, because I lived in a country, tagged by many as "evil" - Apartheid South Africa of the 1970s-80s. I know how complex and many-layered the truth of a country can be, then watch how it is over-simplified by the world news in order to stir up emotional interest. South Africa has 11 official languages, 6 major religions and, pre-1990, a racial classification system of THREE segregated racial types.

I know how it feels to have strangers hate you simply because of the country you live in, not bothering to find out your opinions on that country. I recently posted an article on Farm murders in South Africa on Facebook. A British friend wrote back that he would not try to raise help and support because the farmers were "white" and (his words), "Well, what can you expect? Apartheid." Except this is now 30 years after Apartheid ended, and so those young thugs torturing and murdering people have never lived in anything but a free and completely equal society.

If you see any group as deserving death, pain and suffering... you are part of the problem.

I have no grand solutions to offer here, beyond this fact - we have to change how we deal with each other, or we will eventually destroy each other and our planet. Repeating the same old mistakes isn't good enough any more.

Dona Nobis Pacem ~ Turn, Turn, Turn

For two decades (how did the time go by so fast?) I've taken part in Blogblast for Peace, every November. I've watched it continue to grow, steadily spiralled outwards as we draw, write and create in the name of Peace. But this year I'm turning around and following the spiral back to the centre. 

It's time to turn. 

Because no matter how much of a difference we might make in fighting for world peace, there is no greater battle, nothing ever more important or courageous, than ensuring your own personal peace. Your well-being has to come first. 

Your mental and emotional health,

                 your sense of spiritual or ethical integrity,

your self-respect, 

                                                                    your personal sovereignty,  

your inner peace. 

Because when there is no peace within... there can be no peace without.

 As wonderful as it is, to belong to a large group all battling for positive change, I'm also seeing a lot of burn out. People who are saying they feel exhausted; long past running on empty. So this season of Peace, I'm asking you to turn the spiral inwards. I want you to check your inner core; is it steady? Is it calm? Is it a sanctuary? Are your boundaries clearly marked and are you brave enough to hold them firm? Because it takes tremendous courage to stand up for yourself whilst still staying centred in peace and love.

The hardest thing to do is to love yourself and treat yourself with kindness, because the world will fight you on that. Our society prefers people who are obedient to others. It ridicules those who choose to put themselves first. But the boss who implies you are lazy or not pulling your weight if you ask for sick leave... will he be there for you when your health collapses? The "friend" who calls you selfish or unkind for refusing to constantly help... will they be there for you when you collapse from exhaustion?

It's not your duty to take care of everyone on the planet as well as fighting for Peace and the planet itself.  That burden is too great; no-one can carry that much. You will burn out. 

For two decades we have all cried "NO MORE" for world peace; now we must do it for our selves. No more giving without receiving back. No more draining yourself dry in the hope that somehow, some day, all that sacrifice will be appreciated and recognised. No more giving parts of your self away. No more self-destruction and lack of inner peace. 

Turn, turn, turn ...

Countdown to Blogblast - BRAVE!

The theme for Blogblast for Peace this year (Nov 4-7 2021) is..

 

"Courageous Peace in a Time of Great Change"
 

Please join us!

I'm ready! :) And here's my inspiration... Brave!

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
...
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

Superb video - the Rage of Women

Growing Brighter

 I saw this picture on a friend's Facebook today...

... it hit home for several reasons.

The first being that this was something I failed badly at, when I was young; I regularly dimmed my light when I was a teen. It started after I moved countries, at age 10, and wanted to just "fit in" at my new schools in a strange new culture.

Looking back, I can see that a lot of the "me" from those high school years (I was 12 when I entered high school) was barely visible and often hardly ME at all. And even after I finished school, the ME I truly was had become so buried under the "me" I wore to be accepted that I really only managed to be my true self in small bursts, usually when I was too tired or too emotional to care if anyone was offended or scared by my brightness. 

In my late 30s, I had just begun peeling back the dimness and was beginning to shine, when I married and moved countries again. Immigrating triggered all those old feelings of insecurity, of not "fitting", and sadly, once again, I began to dim myself down in order to fit in.

It's taken me a long time to understand that there's a lot more to dimming my light than I realised. And Facebook made me notice that. You see, on Facebook I have gathered everyone I want to keep contact with in a fast-easy way. That includes a very varied range of people, from childhood friends and family to new friends and people I know through various work/interests.

This is what happened - I began to lose friends. A few at first, but these last 18 months it's been more. I began to think, "What is wrong with me?" Today I realised... there's nothing wrong with ME, but there was a lot wrong with the dim "me" I was still, often unconsciously, using to fit in. I lost Facebook friends because many of those very different people only knew the dimmed "me" I had used when we were together.  But once they were all on my Facebook wall, all in the same "room", there was no way I could juggle all the dimmed "me" variants and the real ME started to emerge.

I'd say, at this stage, I'm the brightest ME on Facebook that I've ever been. And that ME is ever evolving as I open up to who I truly am. And that has caused problems. People have un-friended ME, because I've been "too" -. "too loud", "too quiet", "too Left", "too Middle of the Road", "too forceful", "too soft"... I've had all of those as accusations. And they have hurt at times. The old "me" wanted to scrabble madly to fit in, but on social media, under so much scrutiny, it was impossible to please everyone and so... I began choosing what pleased me.

I embraced my "too much" and accepted my "too bright-ness". I'm still working on this and yes, sometimes I'm still losing friends. I lost a dear friend recently. This person left me with "too blunt" and "too forceful". Am I? I have others who grumble that I'm "too accepting", "too polite" and "too forgiving". Am I both? Or am I just... ME. Messy, complicated, still evolving. A star in the process of learning how to be a sun. Sometimes burning things, but always unintentionally. Trying to be warming, but aware that some can only cope with so much brightness.

So, whoever you are, whatever type of star you might be, or be in the process of becoming... just SHINE. Those that need your light will find you and yes, those that aren't able to cope will move on. Love them and let them go. They are their own stars, they will find their own place in the sky to shine. 

The universe is big enough for everyone.