When I first sat down to write a post for this year's event... words left me. There was no room for them. All the space inside me was taken up with emotion.
This has been an exceptionally emotional year on a global level. We started with devastating fires in Australia (how we worried for friends and family over there!) and went straight on into Covid19 with its assorted political chaos, worldwide protests and then even more climate disasters. We have been inside a storm, not for days but for months. All of us. Everyone. No one is untouched by this year's events.
Canberra, Orroral Valley,
January 28, 2020. New research suggests the recent record-breaking heat
in Australia, which is linked to climate change, helped
increase the region’s fire risk by at least 30 percent. https://www.sciencenews.org/article/australia-wildfires-climate-change Nick-D/Wikimedia Commons (CC BY-SA 4.0)
All of this has taken its toll. I'm seeing more angry people than ever before. Because fear makes people angry, it's a natural survival mechanism. Fear makes us feel out of control - rage gives back the feeling of control. Rage helped us fight off the predatory beasts when we were a young species still throwing rocks and sticks.
Anger can be very useful as it gives us the courage to face our demons, but it has to be wielded with calm and a clear mind. Thoughtless anger is chaos. It's the mob burning innocent women as witches and the person refusing to wear a mask during Covid19 because they are secretly, deeply, afraid. Terrified that the virus really exists, so they pretend it's a hoax. Terrified that if it is a hoax some secret and even worse harm is being done to them, such as taking away their personal power and freedoms.
Terrified.
Just as you have to turn and face the wolves on the path, you have to face what you fear. You cannot fix the problem, or slay the demon, without first understanding the fear beneath your anger.
For me, it's been the realisation that I get most angry when I see people being irrational. Why? Because I fear they might do/say things they will regret once they've calmed down enough to see the truth. My rage is based on my fear of them doing terrible harm: to me or to others, to themselves and to their countries or our planet. But to find that truth I had to step back and see with my heart.
What secret fear drives your anger?
Turn around and face it.
Find the truth in your heart.
Then take that truth and reclaim your power.
The phrase "2020 vision" means to have perfect eyesight; to see with utter
clarity. Could there be a better wish for this 2020 year than that? To
see clearly, from the heart?
If being separated from each other during Covid19 has only one positive result it should be this: that in being forced apart we finally realised we are all in this together. One planet and one humanity.
In this year of 2020 vision, give us the clear sight needed to see through lies and illusions. Help us to heal our planet, our people, our families and our nations. Allow us to see how all is connected and everything sacred. No nation greater, no species of less value, no race above another.
Give us the wisdom to understand that anger at injustice is as much a sacred flame as love and forgiveness. Teach us to wield the sword of truth gently and with honour, and help us to once again believe in each other: our beauty, our frailty, our courage and our compassion.
Grant us the blessing of compassion for those who would destroy us through their ignorance or fear. And when the night seems dark and endless, remind us of that small, enduring light named kindness. Let us carry it forward with us, each of us, all of us, in every heart. Dona nobis pacem... grant us peace.
Years back I used to do a monthly NEWSFLASH update on life. The idea was started by another blogger, Jeff. I haven't used the concept in ages, but thought I'd give it a go again. :-) I'm changing one thing - I'm bunching up categories.
The biggest entertainment this Spring has been the birds. We have at least four sparrows nesting in our roof as well as two crow families on either side of us. And then there's that very tame seagull, who keeps hoping for a snack...
Our garden is never quiet!
Wise words and Spirit
My wise words always come from another blogger. This time I'm quoting the great queen of Blog4Peace, Mimi.This is from her gorgeous post, "What I Know About Love."
"Sometimes love comes to unravel us. Let it."
Family
Not much to update. We all have the flu at the moment. Beyond coughing, sniffing and groaning we're enjoying a lovely warm sunny June as much as we can.
Lessons and Art
This past week I published a small book of poems. It's a simple book, made mostly so that those friends who like my poems will stop nagging. ;-) The longest part, and most fun, was creating black and white art to go along with the poems. Here's an example...
This is Corrie, our little wild crow friend, from one of her baby photos...
You know
the feeling when you’ve only read a couple of pages of a book and you think “this
book will blow away my mind”? That’s the exact feeling I had when I read FirstLight.
This book
made me feel overwhelmed at times in a good way because of its complexity.
Michelle Frost is a master in developing plotlines....
A poem I wrote in 2010. (and yes, it is a true story)
In Passing
I passed by your bed
and wondered your story,
Tattoos and T-shirt
completely out of place
amongst the tubes and wires.
With arms so thin and eyes so tired,
watching the TV without seeing,
seeing me without watching
every time I passed through.
Watching you waiting…
I knew. Did you?
Did she know too?
I watched her pass through, with
rucksack and thermos, packets of snacks.
All the signs of the long term
traveller of wards and waiting rooms.
Holding herself together with
the busy brightness of a mother's love.
Others passed by too.
I saw them take turns
to hold your hand as you waited, and passed them
as they waited, in crooked huddles
over half cups of coffee.
Women talking; a man hiding
tears in a corner, as I passed through.
And I knew they knew too.
Though none of us spoke
in passing, in waiting.
Connected in such disconnection.
Brief greetings and smiles
in hallways, in passing,
and then they were gone.
Empty chairs.
Empty bed.
I passed by your bed
and wondered your story,
and wished you
safe journeys
in passing.
I was busy signing a petition this morning, when it struck me... this is what my poem was all about. I am a Peace Warrior. I step forward. I stand up. I keep on trying to shine a light, in the darkest places.
Will my signature on that petition help? I have no idea. Some petitions bring change, but some don't. But one thing is for certain... if we don't stand up, step forward, sign those petitions, then nothing changes. All we can do is try.
I thought I'd post one of my poems, for a change. This was first published on the Kenyan Poets Lounge in January 2012.
Saints and Martyrs
“Where were you, when the world ended,
and everything was suspended,
and the angels came?
Did they call your name?”
He held my hand and smiled,
like a child who has seen
the other side of magic.
Nothing tragic in this sharing,
his bearing was that of a man
transformed.
His grip was firm; an old man’s hand,
grained by life and turned on the wheel,
as we turned on the wheel
in spinning snow; his eyes the axis and centre
to a world I could not enter. His eyes
surprised me into surrender and I stood
and looked beyond what was safe to see.
Him and me spinning time
down.
down…
the softest feathers, the lightest snow.
down…
the spiral sane men fear and madmen know.
Snow, like angel wings, enfolded us
in silence. I held his hand, he held my gaze
and I, amazed at my own composure,
unsure how to leave yet knowing I could not stay, longing to stay... I walked away.
The sadness in my eyes, so close to tears,
were fears not for his sanity, but mine.
The likes of me condemned to be too grounded
in this well founded world to stay.
I walked away well floundered,
I grieved
that meeting; that all too fleeting glimpse
I'm so very proud of my poem. What a place to visit and be seen in! I hope it has fun in Paris. I'm betting it will get to meet so many exciting people, most especially the wonderful young photographer holding the exhibition, Katherine Cooper.
Katherine very kindly sent me an invitation to the opening of her exhibition;
I will most certainly keep and treasure this invitation. I wish I could be there tomorrow, but my poem travels easier than I do! Paris is a little too far for me, unfortunately.
I wish Katherine all the very best for this event and her future and send her and Hermine Videau-Sorbier my most sincere thanks for the invitation. I am truly honoured.
This year has been a truly crazy one. My computer has been on-off all year and my hands weren't working properly at the start of the year. So, all in all, I've done very little writing or blogging this year.
On top of that in one of my computer crashes I lost all my blogblast for Peace 2012 work - my posters, globe ideas and notes. I had already downloaded the shared posters to Facebook, but my own stuff was gone and I simply haven't been able to find or recreate what I lost.
So I started again and... it's been such a slog! I actually thought of writing a rant for my blog post for peace yesterday, because internet "red tape" is driving me insane this year.You see - every year I write on a theme and every year I ask permission from places to use their info, website or pictures for that theme, but this year almost every thing I want to use for my idea is under copyrights that demand I pay or sacrifice a pure white lamb before they'll say "yes" (rolls eyes). Only one very nice person has said yes and I do intend to thank him in full on the day. The rest are just
SOURPUSS GROUCHY GRINCHES!
Rant over.
Now on to the more interesting news as of yesterday evening. You see... yesterday evening a friend emailed me with her own woes. She's had a similar time and even worse, to be honest. She can't even access her blog as blogger went bananas and decided she was a hacker and trying to get to a real live person to sort it out is near impossible.
Finding a real live person to talk to is becoming more and more of an issue for us all. How many times recently have you ended up on hold on a phone trying to reach a real live person? How many times have you had a problem that you can't talk to anyone about because everything is automated, done by email or phone rather than face to face?
How many jobs has this planet lost to machines that don't "get it", cannot understand being human and have zero common sense?
So, this morning I was trying to figure a way to help my friend get back blogging by trying some experiments on a test blog I set up years ago to try out different layouts and backgrounds. I go there to try some things and... what do I find? I find a test post I created in 2009 that I do not remember at all! Here it is...
A faintish journey do I make
As through this frazzled world I wind,
With heavy heart and weary steps,
But with determined mind.
Beseech I for a flicker of
The faith than can a mountain move,
And hold that tenet close to me,
Believing where I cannot prove.
The pow'r that comes when sinking low
To man who grasps for straw or rope,
Will clutch til has he breath no more
For where there's life, there's hope.
If my good turn be given to
My fellow man's deficiency,
I'll try to share my lowly gifts
Of Faith and Hope and Charity.
faith, hope, and charity - anne shannon demarest - 1965
A while back I came across a lovely poem and recently I managed to make contact with the poet, Matthew Yrigoyen, who most graciously gave me permission to post his work here on this blog.
Watching her move through these golden moments, the stride of Athena quivering in her limbs, the whisper of Quan Yin trailing in her song, the amber light of Beata Beatrix illuminating the pace of her thought and the Grace of her gesture - Shining through it all, a Crystal Spring, glistening under fallen sacrificial leaves, the Celestial Virgin shimmers, raising up her Woman's flesh, clarifying her Galactic Sight. The greater her surrender in Carnal Wisdom, the Priestess penetrating the mystery of elevated passion, the more she assumes her Woman's power; the more iridescent the snow of her heaving slopes; the more gleaming is the foaming wave caressing the edge of her ever widening shore - The more we meet the Radiance of her Soul, as she borrows even our Breath and spins it into Light.
'beata femeros mundi' copyright of, the author, matthew yrigoyen
I recently posted cave paintings
to illustrate the similarities between ancient animals and the
endangered species at the Highland Wildlife Park. I thought it was apt to keep that theme going here, by posting a carved cave goddess - an ancient Venus to remind us of how ancient man saw the beauty of woman
as mother goddess.... just as Matthew sees the beauty of the goddess in the woman.
Music “Silver Eyes” by Ashram Poem “Je t’aime jusqu’au cri” by Alexander Hakman Translation by Sophie Poem read by Lescintilla From the blog MIND PRISM with Alex and Sophie
I’ve loved you despite myself Entwined with your being, in a swirl of disquiet and dizziness I didn’t want to say, “I love you” Out of fear of seeing you disappear like a leaf wrenched from its stem Nevertheless, I love you until my heart screams Until I lose my breath each time you distance yourself and leave a void
I have loved you hidden behind the curtains of night My childish glances followed your every step My eyes drank the words you would not speak to me Your words. . . that the light emanating from you wrote on the scrolls of shadows Your words . . . like fiery stars Shooting from the dark night to light my way Your words . . . that you sowed from page to page In the book of our destinies And I locked my heart away So it could not follow your path But . . . my heart is rebellious It dances with your words, so soft and so powerful Clings to its emerging dreams And today, it wants to speak to you I love you as one loves a dream hung from moonbeams I love you as one loves a spring on the rippled slopes of dunes I love you like the majestic eagle loves to soar and be free I love you with strength and passion as only tigers know to love
And even if the future is unsure, I want to love you forever I will love you with all my hope, quivering with impatience I will love you to the depths of your soul, to the enigma of your silence I will love you until the desperate need to chant your absence, Until the fragile confession of an invisible secret
... inspiration can strike at the oddest times and places. I recently wrote a poem in between making dinner. It started with the thought of someone asking a question and ended up... well, you read it and see. :-)
Saints and Martyrs
“Where were you, when the world ended, and everything was suspended, and the angels came? Did they call your name?”
He held my hand and smiled, like a child who has seen the other side of magic. Nothing tragic in this sharing, his bearing was that of a man transformed.
His grip was firm; an old man’s hand, grained by life and turned on the wheel, as we turned on the wheel in spinning snow; his eyes the axis and centre to a world I could not enter. His eyes surprised me into surrender and I stood and looked beyond what was safe to see. Him and me spinning time down.
down… the softest feathers, the lightest snow. down… the spiral sane men fear and madmen know.
Snow, like angel wings’, enfolded us in silence. I held his hand, he held my gaze and I, amazed at my own composure, unsure how to leave yet knowing I could not stay… longing to stay, I walked away.
The sadness in my eyes, so close to tears, were fears not for his sanity, but mine. The likes of me condemned to be too grounded in this well founded world to stay. I walked away well floundered, I grieved that meeting; that all too fleeting glimpse of Paradise in his eyes.
Recently the TV news showed footage of a little girl in China being hit by a car. She died because neither the driver, nor the 18 people who walked by or over her, stopped to help her. She seemed to be invisible to everyone except the CCTV cameras.
What went wrong? How can you overlook a dying child beneath your feet? It seems unbelievable that people can be so uncaring, but then you stop and look around you and it gets to be even more frightening. Modern life seems to have become a war where only the selfish flourish. Win at all costs, reach the top at all costs… The message is fairly clear - that it is perfectly fine to hurt, lie or elbow anyone out of your way in order to gratify your own personal greeds and needs.
From school to sports, and jobs to politics, it is considered perfectly acceptable to fight to reach the top. Our politicians battle it out with each other constantly, and often quite nastily. Our sports teams are expected to win regardless of fairplay and businesses lie and manipulate each other out of the way to get the best trade deals.
Battles… wars… aggression… struggle… I’m so tired of it all. I’d love to just run away and hide, but I can’t, because there are some battles you simply cannot walk away from. You see… I’ve realised I’m a fighter too, but of a different kind. I’ve realised I’m a Peace Warrior.
Now I’m not meaning anything wild and drastic by that, I don’t go chaining myself to railings chanting peace slogans. You do get those kinds if Warriors for Peace, those people who leap into public view, but on the whole most Peace Warriors are invisible, overlooked and unknown. Peace isn’t fought for on battlegrounds or under spotlights – it’s fought for in all the ordinary everyday places by very ordinary everyday people, like me… and like you.
Peace has no prejudices; you can be any age, religion or race. Peace Warriors may fight with tact and smiles or arm themselves with petitions and posters, but basically they are all the same. There are Peace Warriors out there carrying school books as well as those who have dentures. They are many and varied, but there is one thing they all have in common - they all expect more from humanity.
Now, there are those who think any attempt to change humanity is ridiculous and unrealistic. Maybe… maybe Peace Warriors are dreamers of improbable dreams, but we aren’t quitters. Like Gandhi and Irena Sendler, Peace Warriors quietly get on with doing those things other people say are impossible.
As a Peace Warrior friend of mine puts it:
“I blog for peace because some say it is impossible to achieve. I am stubborn. Tell me I can't and I will.”
Mimi Lennox (founder of Blogblast4Peace)
She’s right, Peace Warriors have to be stubborn, because changing the world is grindingly slow - you’ll not survive this battle if you’re impatient or only in it for short term rewards.
There’s another misconception about Peace – that being a pacifist is an easy way out and that stepping back from violence, or war, is akin to cowardice. The truth is actually the complete opposite. Peace Warriors challenge others; they shine a light on what needs to be changed and that can be a very dangerous thing. Throughout world history Peace Warriors have been mocked, threatened, hated, beaten, imprisoned and even executed. Peace has never been the choice for cowards.
True Peace Warriors don’t wield weapons or incite violence, but they don’t step back and ‘take it’ either. Peace Warriors are those people who not only think, “This isn’t right; this isn’t fair,” they stand up and do something about it. If you’ve ever made a decision based on what was right instead of what was popular, if you’ve ever put the safety of others ahead of your own, if you’ve ever stood up to a bully, yet not lowered yourself to their levels to do so… you are a Peace Warrior.
Peace stands up when the rest sit down, Peace steps forward when the others turn and run. Peace shines a light in the darkest places, no matter the danger in what it faces. Peace is a warrior, do you understand? Peace is a warrior within your hands.
UNODA (UN Office for Disarmament Affairs) is running a Poetry for Peace contest this October. The theme is the "hibakusha" of Hiroshima and Nagasaki...
This poetry contest is a platform to share your thoughts and feelings about the hibakusha testimonies. In their own voices, hibakusha have recorded their testimonies for you and future generations to hear.
I listened to two YouTube testimonies:
Kayano Tsutsui, who was a child in Nagasaki, and Isano Tanabe, who was a mother with children in Hiroshima.
Their stories are worth hearing. What happened to these people is beyond words - what Nuclear weapons do to people is beyond words.
How do you write such horror into a poem for peace? How do you bring hope out of the ashes of Hell? All I could think of as a ray of hope was another victim of Hiroshima, Sadako Sasaki, who left behind a new Peace symbol for the world - the origami crane. (My Peace Thimble post 80 - "1,000 paper Cranes")
Here's the haiku poem I finally submitted, in her honour:
angels, doves and cranes - our only hope for peace lies folded into wings.
You can see it on the UNODA site at: http://www.un.org/disarmament/special/poetryforpeace/poems/frost/
Finalists will be selected from those with the most "LIKE" clicks. So, if you are on Facebook, please consider giving my poem a LIKE, as long as you really like it! ;-) And do check the other poems out too, there are others worth liking.
I know I haven't blogged in ages. Typing still hurts my fingers so I'm using them sparingly. Thank goodness I had the sense to get my 100 Thimbles of Peace done early, since I was worried my fingers might get worse. I've also taken time out to read the UNODA Peace Poem entries. You can find my poem here.
I have been keeping busy, but the real reason I haven't updated on this blog because I was waiting for things to calm down a bit - the last two weeks have been really crazy. I've been bouncing between doctors and other specialists trying to sort out where my hand-arm pain is coming from. It's been coming and going, trying all sorts of medications, and then last Saturday.. everything exploded
This arm-hand pain wakes me up regularly during the night.Then I sit up on the edge of the bed, dangle my arms down and wait for pain to ease. So... last Saturday I wake up groggy with bad pain. I sit up, dangle arms... and the world exploded. MASSIVE pain.
I know I stood up because I remember thinking I mustn't move again, or sit down - too much fear of causing more pain. Hubby got out of bed so somewhere I woke him. I remember yelling, "DON'T TOUCH ME" at him, I was so scared of more pain. but then the pain got worse anyway and I started to hyperventilate, wanted to faint, thought it was me going...
so hubby phoned for an ambulance. I scared the life out of him. My parents woke up to hear him freaking out and so they were scared too... human panic dominoes!
The ambulance medics took me in sitting up, as I didn't want to move, draped in a blanket as any touch or movement hurt, but by then the pain was easing-increasing in waves.
LONG story short - I saw three doctors, was there for ages and the pain wore off naturally, but they gave me strong pain killers to take home. I saw my doctor and I have lots of people dashing about trying to sort out more tests for me.
In the meantime the pain medication hasn't helped. I have had two pain-explosion mornings since then, but I'm coping better. Knowing I wasn't going to die (lol) I stayed calm and it was weird. The pain gets HUGE at the worst stage, but by staying calm and I could watch it and see where it came from. It radiates out from my left hand, middle finger. How amazing. I never knew watching pain could be beautiful and yet so damn unbearable.
While sorting out tests and stuff at the doctors I was given a stronger pain med to try. mmm.... what can I say?
It never helped the pain, but it did make me groggy and more sleepy. So sleepy that some nights I kept falling asleep upright on edge of bed when I sat up to ease the pain. That was scary, so I sat in a chair on Friday morning and woke up pukey, very dizzy, and my dreams were on fast forward. I mean that literally! My dreams, each time I woke up, were zooming by at top speed like when you zoom the TV maybe 6x speed. surreal!!
I now know strong pain meds are not the answer. It’s taken 48 hours for the dizzy-groggy to wear off, with help of dizzy meds that… make me sleepy! I have slept everywhere!
I stopped the pain medication and the pain is no worse, but my groggy-dizzy is MUCH better. No more of the strong stuff for me!
I'm still feeling more upbeat, because I have doctors trying to sort it out and I'm learning to fix things myself - by staying calm, taking naps and trying some stretching exercises the chiropractor gave me that definitely are helping. It's not fast or easy, but I can see improvements. I'm more hopeful than I was this time last month, which is really good.
The Venus of Laussel
