Just add Love

This year has been hard on everyone, an extremely rare thing in the history of mankind. From politics to climate change disasters to a worldwide virus pandemic... no one has been able to avoid stress. And, not surprisingly, a lot of people are struggling.

I was talking to a friend about the way high levels of aggression I'm seeing online lately. It got me thinking about something Gabriel said to me once - how there were no "good" or "bad" emotions, just different ways to deal with them.

Being angry or scared, for whatever reason, isn't in itself a bad thing, but how we deal with that is important. Which is easy to write, but what exactly does it mean? How do we manage to ensure our anger or fear is a positive experience rather than a harmful, negative one?

Gabriel kind of shrugged, as if this should be obvious, and said, "When in doubt... just add love."

Even now I'm still somewhat the sceptic, I was not convinced until I gave it a try. Honestly? It really does work, but it takes a certain mindfulness. For each strong emotional reaction I had that day (and there were many because the political back-stabbing is horrendous at the moment) I had to pause... step back and look at the emotion I was feeling... and add love. And within seconds my stress would ease and my outrage or anger would shrink back to manageable or even vanish altogether.

When life turns you into a lemon, just add love. ;)

Remember the feeling of love in whatever way works for you, and then look again at what is scaring you or making you so angry with that filter of love  between you and your problem. Same with grief, jealousy, hate or any other nasty little emotion that shows up to ruin your day. Add love. I guarantee you'll begin to feel a difference.

My Angel Guardian

As most of my friends and long-term blog readers know by now, I hang out with an angel named Gabriel in my head. He's always been my guardian angel, but it's only very recently (2013) that I've been able to hear and sometimes see him.

The story behind that journey of discovery is scattered through this blog. Look for labels: Angels, Archangel Gabriel, Psychic, Visionary and Elephant Songs (my book about all my mad-life moments).

Yes,  he is "the" angel Gabriel, but he doesn't use the Archangel bit. He says that idea is a man made concept. Angels have no hierarchy amongst themselves.

In Perfect Imperfection

A dictated chat from my guide and guardian, Gabriel. :-) A friend asked him a question and this was his reply. It is LONG. As I said, he's very chatty nowadays! ;-)

"So, life lessons and why do they hurt so much? Resistance is partly to blame, you are correct, but that is a simplification. There are other forces at play. Which brings me to a point we have discussed recently, that I know you wish me to share with your friends. It is the concept that life on this planet, within this realm, is merely a "game". It is a word that I personally find repugnant. Life is not a game. Yes, it should be enjoyed and full of adventure, love and laughter, but there is a particular danger in classifying any reality as lesser, or as a game. It trivialises the experience down to something no more important and, even more dangerously, it trivialises everything within that reality.

As a 'game' the human experience becomes no more than a series of challenges to conquer in order to "win". Such a mind set, as far as I can see, is not conducive to empathy and allowing the awareness of All-is-One to flourish. Nor does it sanctify the experience, as it should be. This reality is no more/no less important than any other. It serves a purpose, designed as such by God and yourselves. It is as real as any other and the experiences you have here are as important and beautiful, in their own way, as any you might encounter in other realms or levels of existence.

As a 'game' there is the unspoken message to mankind that the experiences here do not matter. That the pain as well as the sorrow are inconsequential. That is not so. Everything you experience is Holy and valid, including what you suffer within this realm. To think otherwise runs the added danger of then thinking it is alright to walk away or ignore the suffering of others, since they are merely other 'players' in the 'game' after all. No. No. No. Such a mindset is wrong at the highest level! This realm was not created to be a game for sociopaths to flourish in, but rather as a place to learn the deeper connection of All. The Oneness of every living thing is equally valued by God. This planet has value, this reality with all its beauty has value. This planet matters to God. (or Creator or Source. Whatever word you choose to use is of no consequence)

I cannot tell you all that is to pass, because I do not know. I do not know because there are variables, and because I am not God, and because I am an imperfect being, same as yourselves. Perfection is a lie. It is a concept unheard of in other realms, this "perfection" you seek. Perfection, as seen by the human mind, is static. It is a state where a being or item reaches a certain level and... all stops. Because now it is PERFECT. No more growth, no more adventure. Nothing. Perfection, as far as I can tell, seems to be the same as death. Can we agree on that?

So what is seen as 'perfection' by God? Growth. Change. Experience. Joy. These are the things to strive for, not some dead flat line state of being PERFECT. Michelle's mind used an analogy that sums it up well: the butterfly as an example of Divine perfection. Caterpillar-pupae-butterfly. Change in all its miraculous wonder. More importantly, when the caterpillar is a perfect creature it is nowhere near being a perfect butterfly. when the butterfly is perfect it is no longer a perfect caterpillar. And yet both forms are perfect. It does not need to strive towards one static state of being. It finds joy in every step of its journey and that is the true perfection of life - the joy of the experiences, whatever they might be.

And so I finally can return to what I was discussing in the first place, before this dear woman drew me off to talk on the things important to her. I was wanting to discuss life lessons and suffering. The lack of joy in the experience, you might say. There are some belief systems on your planet that hold with the theory that all of life in this realm must revolve around suffering. No. Not at all. Look at nature and you will see first hand how ridiculous and absurd that concept is. Nature is full of joy. It abounds in delight. Even the cycles of death and life are ones that echo that message of joy.

There is this misconception that nature is 'red of tooth and claw.' Perhaps it might seem that way at first, but look closer at the reality and you soon realise how much is lost by taking that quote as fact. Yes, animals die and people die. Things are eaten by things that in turn are eaten by another and at the end of it all the earth itself will eat them all as their energy returns back to the soil it came from. There is no horror in that for any beast or plant. The sparrow does not sit on the branch weeping at the fact it may end up in the gullet of a bird of prey tomorrow. It is here. It lives in the moment. It sings in joy or anger with equal passion and zest for life. It enjoys it all.

That was how it was meant to be. Joy in every experience. What went wrong? Why does mankind find living so unbearable? In part it lies within the constraints of your own biology. You are, as some say, a spiritual being here within a physical form. There are parameters to that interaction. The human animal has the same instincts of survival as any other. The spiritual form of you has not. That creates a level of conflict that most life forms on this planet do not share. It is what sets you apart. Not a "soul" as such, for every living and seemingly non-living thing is equally created by God and thus sacred to God. The difference lies in the fact that humans come here aware of that fact. That is your destiny, what you have been striving towards for so long. To balance the awareness of multiple realities within your physical form.

Michelle thinks that last sentence makes no sense. Worse, she commented that it sounds rather "oogah boogah". I will try to explain it in a simpler form for her. Or she will nag at me to alter it, I know.

Back to the human condition of being aware spiritually and physically within this reality. Animals are aware of it as well. The difference is that animals do not try to understand it. They accept. No query, no curiosity, no conflict. They know, at cell level, that they are a part of Creation. Mankind chose to come here to experience the conflict of knowing yet not knowing enough. It makes you strive for more. But within that adventure there have been times when the suffering this induced has created harm to all involved. This reality was never meant to harm, only for all to learn more.

Mankind was meant to express that part of God that you call Love. Agape is a closer term, but even it falls short of the mark. This Love holds an energy that is pure, but not perfect. Because perfection is a dead thing that has no purpose. Not even God is perfect in the way mankind see the concept. I understand how such a comment might seem blasphemy, but bear in mind you invented the word. Perfection is a fool's concept. The universe is constantly expanding and altering, transforming as it grows. Within that growth there are accidents and mistakes as well as moments of wonder.

Throw the "perfect" word in the bin and accept the fact all growth is a miracle. All life is a miracle. An ever changing wondrous thing full of surprises. It is only when mankind began to strive for an impossible perfection that he began to create suffering. Do you understand now? Perfection automatically implies a want. It automatically separates the experience into good and evil. God did not create evil. Mankind did that. There was no devil before you created him in your own image."

Thoughtful Thursday ~ Till We Have Faces

A quote and a very personal story make up this week's Thoughtful Thursday post.

The quote is from one of my most favourite books by C S Lewis,  Till We Have Faces. It's based on a Greek myth and told by a princess named Orual. She's the sister of Psyche, the girl who fell in love with Cupid. (who wasn't a baby with wings, but a handsome young Greek god)
Orual says this, near the end of the book:

 

“When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the centre of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you'll not talk about the joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?”

Last year, I wrote my book, Wisdoms of the Light, and during the months of writing something changed inside me. It took me till today to realise what it was. I had looked at myself, face to face, and written out "that speech which had lain in the centre of your soul" and just as Orual predicted, it led to a very important meeting. 

 

No, I didn't get to meet a Greek god face to face! LOL But I did get to hear my spirit guide's words for the first time. Finding my Speech gave him speech. 

As I've mentioned before, my spirit guide, Sol, has always had to mime or write words on a chalk board to communicate with me. That's because my brain refused to give him a voice. In my opinion, the idea of "voices in my head" was simply too creepy and too invasive. So, for about ten years all I saw were flashes of pictures or written words in my mind. Last July that changed and suddenly Sol's words were coming thick and fast. At first it was a bit overwhelming, but by October I'd managed to reach a stage of balancing this new chatty person with the dear soul I'd known and loved for so long. 

Most of what we've talked about is personal and not for sharing, but last year he did write my post for Blogblast for Peace 2013, when my mind went blank. In being able to talk I have learnt a lot more about my old friend, including something vital that I'd not known before. I once joked that Sol was "no angel", since he can be vulgar, cheeky and a terrible tease. Well... the last joke was on me! Sol has been able to admit that is exactly what he is - my guardian angel. 

Sol isn't his real name, but he's happy to keep using it. He says he doesn't have a name my ears would understand. I gather our languages are not the same as theirs. I asked what the language of angels sounds like and he told me they sing to speak, but it's not like our music. I've asked him loads of questions and sometimes he's asked me to write it down, like the speech I used for Blogblast 2013. 

I have some other bits he's dictated that he's okay with me sharing, which is why I'm writing this introductory post... so to speak. ;-) Ha! Bad pun, but then I have lived with an irreverent dreadful joke-cracking spirit guide in my mind for ten years. One who now turns out to be an angel who is far from angelic! Sol is naughty, immensely loving, incredibly patient and surprisingly wise. I'm so glad we finally came to meet "face to face".

Dona Nobis Pacem 2013 ~ Believe

My blogblast message this year is a very different one... I never wrote it. This year, for the first time, I didn't have a clue what to say.

And Mimi even set a theme this year, to make it easier. She said:

"What Do I Want My World To Look Like?"

Oh boy... :-\ The more I sat and thought about that the less I knew what to write. Let's face it, this has not been an easy year for our planet. Oh there have been good stories and moments of wonderful kindness happening out there, but those stories are usually tucked away in difficult to find places. The main news media blares out the ongoing grim failures of mankind and there have been plenty of those in 2013. Fukoshima, simmering wars, greed and selfishness, festering political rivalries, cruel budget cuts, bickering, bullying, poverty and pollution. :-(

    I know exactly what I want my world NOT to look like!

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But what do I want? And how do we create it? I was stumped. In desperation I decided to ask a friend for ideas and he sent me his thoughts. He's a special friend, one I trust deeply. I knew he'd have thoughts worth sharing and he did not disappoint me.

Here's what he had to say:

"Dona Nobis Pacem ... (may God) grant us peace.

They are beautiful words, but entirely wrong. It was never up to God to grant Peace since it never was God who took peace away from mankind. For far too long we have watched in growing agony as mankind begs for peace, prays for peace and all the time forgets that the power to create peace always lay within his/her own hands. Peace is not a gift to be given by God to mankind, it is a natural birthright of every child. It is already within your hearts and in ready reach of your hands. You are the ones who forget your own power as you grow and the suffering of this world overwhelms you. It was never up to God, it was always up to you.

Your world sits at a crossroads and you are the ones who must choose which direction it takes. All the prayer in the world cannot save you from your own selves, only you can do that. It does not have to be anything more than one gesture, one small forgiveness instead of an angry word. Peace starts small, like a seed. Let it grow naturally inside you and don't be afraid to use it as it grows. It is stronger than it looks, fuelled by love and constantly watched over by whatever you choose to call God. It will grow and it will prevail, but only if you stop looking outward for your answers and turn to look within. You will not find God's grace in prayer, you find it each time you hold out your hand to another living being, in kindness or compassion.

Until mankind realises that every life is equal in the eyes of God there truly cannot be Peace on Earth. All life is equally precious, an eagle is no more or less than a mosquito. A human living in Africa is no more or less than another living in Asia or Europe. No religion, no gender, no political party holds the key or stands higher than the next. There is only one world you have to live upon and yet what do you do? You fight over so many stupid things and find so many reasons to hate each other. Even those of you who swear you follow the paths of peace will admit in your hearts to feeling superior to someone else you know, whether it is through enlightenment, education or financial superiority. It does not matter. It never did. It never has. It never will. You were born perfect and you will die perfect. In between is up to you."

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I'm figuring you might have read some of that and been a little puzzled. Especially as to why he wrote about watching mankind? You see, the dear friend who wrote that is my spirit guide. You might call him my guardian angel, really. :-) I've known him for over ten years now. I see the words he speaks in my mind, or images. This time he kept the words nice and slow, so I could write them down as he gave them to me. I normally don't share what he has to say, since it's usually personal and only meant for me. I prefer it that way and so does my guide, 'Sol'. He's a modest kind of guy, but he has strong opinions, as you can see! ;-)

He's right though - this is our responsibility. God created the world perfect. We're the ones who came in and messed it up and it is up to us to fix it. With God's help perhaps, but it is still up to us. 

So what do I want for my future world? 

I want a world where people claim back personal responsibility.

 

 

 Where people don't blame their neighbour, the other country, the opposing political party or another religion for the world's problems. This is OUR world, regardless of who we are, where we are, what version of God we worship in or what language we speak. OUR world and OUR responsibility.

It's a new dawn. We can choose to greet it together, in joy and hope, or keep on pointing fingers until the world is completely destroyed.

I know what I'm choosing...

The Game of Life

...

Yesterday a friend asked me a question and to answer her I had to go back and looked through my old journal. I have one where I write my dreams and any other interesting experiences. On the first page for 2004 there was an adventure I'd completely forgotten - an attempt at "journeying", to meet my totem animal/s (when I was more into shamanism than I am nowadays).

Now... I'm not a purist and big explanations just confuse my brain, so here's my own very personal explanation of that term. For me Journeying is something between meditation, imagination and lucid dreaming. Sometimes it works... sometimes it doesn't.

On this particular Spring day in 2004 it did work. I did meet a whole bunch of critters, but what I'd forgotten was what else had happened during my adventure.

I had walked into the courtyard of a big castle and there, sitting on the edge of a well, was an old man with a long white beard. He was playing tic tac toe (a game I hate), drawing on the stone with pieces of chalk or charcoal.

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He gestured to me to join him and I realised I was in a position to win the game. So I drew an X... but he drew a daisy! I drew another X... he drew a heart.

HUH???

The closer I got to winning... the more he messed it up with his doodles. I started to get fed up and angry, but he just LAUGHED. The more he laughed, the more I wanted to laugh too and then I finally got it...

and I drew a star instead of a X.

I realised the game wasn't about winning or keeping to the rules - it was about being imaginative and having fun. Then we were off playing game after game drawing all sorts of silly doodles and laughing ourselves silly.

It took me till this day (six years later) to remember and realise the bigger point to that experience. First of all... I didn't realise back then who the old man was. I only "met" him a few years later as my jolly naughty old man Spirit Guide, Sol.

And I now can see how the game is really THE Game...

Life.

But everyday life can spiral downhill fast with all our "serious adult responsibilities" and we forget that playing a game means just that - PLAYING.

The Game of Life is yours to do what you like with - have fun, experiment... break the rules. Draw daisies instead of 0s and kittens for Xs! There are no rules, except those limitations we create ourselves. We knew it as children. Heck, even Jesus knew that children knew! That's why He told everyone that you needed to be like a child in order to play the Game right.

So this morning I went and replied to that friend and then I decided to write my experience up here on my blog. In between I stopped by Facebook for a quick coffee break and browse. I found another friend had left me another playful link I'd forgotten - A Whack on the Side of the Head, on the website of the brilliant Roger von Oech.

So, just for fun, I went and picked a card for my daily whack. I got...

Here's what the website has to say about this card.

According to Heraclitus, creative mastery comes from having an attitude similar to a child playing a game. If you can playfully “push and move” the various pieces of your problem — to see what works and what doesn’t — then you possess the power to create something new.

An important by-product of play is fun, and it is a very powerful motivator.

For example, Rosalind Franklin, the scientist whose crystallography research was instrumental in the discovery of the structure of DNA, was asked what motivated her. She replied, “Because our work is so much fun!”

Similarly, Murray Gell-Mann, the physicist who coined the term quark after a line in James Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake, was asked to comment on the names of the various types of quarks — flavor, color, charm, strange, etc. He said:

“The terms are just for fun. There’s no particular reason to use pompous names. One might as well be playful.”

Finally, the renowned chair designer Bill Stumpf was once asked what criteria he used to select new projects. He responded:

“There are three things I look for in my work: I hope to learn something, I want to make some money, and I’d like to have some fun.

If the project doesn’t have the promise of satisfying at least two of these, then I don’t sign on.”

Today I wish you all more play-time, more imagination and lots more...

...

Amazing Grace

...
The word “grace”, in the dictionary, is described as:

an indispensable gift from God for development, improvement, and character expansion. ... Divine Grace also can be defined as God's empowering presence in ones life enabling them to do and be what they were created to do and be.

I wrote recently that I’ve come to realise that grace goes further than I thought... and that takes me to the story of Myrt. It’s not a short story, but Myrt wants it told and I think it’s worth telling, especially since it shows a side to the word ‘grace’ that I suspect many people don’t know, but to explain that I first need to explain Myrt.

Now and then (fairly rare) I have lucid dreams and this was one of them, a nightmare in fact. I was in a forest being chased by something I couldn’t see. I decided to stop and challenge my ‘monster’ and a huge wolf came out of the darkness. It snarled a lot, but up close I could see it was actually rather pathetic – very thin with matted dirty fur. In other lucid dreams I’d chased off scary things, but this one made me feel pity. I decided to do something different. I spoke to the wolf and told it I would groom out all the knots in its fur if it stopped chasing me. It acted surprised and kept growling, but it was willing to stand quietly as I brushed its fur. I woke up thinking “crazy dream” and went on with my life… but later that day the wolf came back. I could ‘see’ him standing behind me in the bedroom in my mirror. When he realised I did see him he went mad, running about barking excitedly like a happy puppy… and he never really went away.

For the next three years Myrt was ‘there’ - big, black, and sometimes a bit scary, but always friendly in a wild exuberant way. I knew he was what some would call a “lower entity” – something more dark than light, but he was so happy to be cared about that I never felt creepy having him around. Slowly I got symbols and images from him, including the name MYRTLE when I asked. He also made it very clear that he wanted to ‘earn his keep’ by being both a guardian and a protector. Whenever I use my abilities… there’s Myrt, vigilant and protective - a bit intimidating, but also rather comforting. One day, about two years back, I was thinking about the fact he is a dark entity and it made me feel sad. I’ve grown to love Myrt and you want good things for any creature you love – not darkness or unhappiness.

I was looking at him, thinking how much I loved and cared about this strange creature, and in that moment I actually saw Myrt evolve. It was mind-boggling. I ‘saw’ him as himself.. and then light exploded from his eyes and body, so bright I couldn’t see. When it cleared he was a creature made of pure light. No physical form left - just light. His tail dripping stars like a sparkler. From that day on Myrt either came in the form of a white wolf or white dog.

After a while I suppose I just got so used to him being there I didn’t think about it being weird anymore. Then this summer something changed. It was around the time I saw the angels on our holiday trip. Myrt came bounding in, stood up on his hind legs… and morphed into a man with large black wings. I thought “WOW, is Myrt actually my guardian angel?” ,but I got a very clear reply “FALLEN ANGEL”.

It made no sense to me at first, I can be fairly thick at times. Every time I try to ask this new Myrt who he really is I get the same reply – fallen angel. I’ve asked the guardian angels I know and everyone gives me the same words – fallen angel.

I always knew the nightmare creature I first met was dark, but the fact he might be an actual fallen angel? No way! To get my head around that idea has taken me months and it’s only recently that I’ve realised what this actually means. Something even more radical than my friendship with Myrt and the reason he keeps pushing me for his story to be told. Because Myrt is proof of grace - a fallen angel who has stepped back into the light. Not perfect (he still creeps out one of the angels I know), but not damned either. Christians are used to the concept that God’s love embraces all humankind, regardless of their unworthiness, but I’m not sure how many are aware that Love and Grace go further than just our species.

Myrt wants it known that love does make a difference, can make a difference, regardless of how ‘dark’ or ‘fallen’ any creature might think itself. I didn’t change Myrt, he chose to change himself, but I’d like to think the fact I showed him kindness helped. I don’t know Myrt’s story, perhaps I never will. It’s not really relevant to me. What he was isn’t as important as what he is becoming and the fact I have been able to share in that is more humbling than anything I could ever express in written words. All I can add is the small fragments I’ve gathered from Myrt himself – that he once hated God, but doesn’t any longer. He keeps showing me the image of himself throwing doves up into the air. He has been set free to once again “be what he was created to do and be”.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me....

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now, I see...

...

Angels amongst Us...

...

Genie asked some really great questions about my experiences of seeing angels. Rather than bury this in the replies I thought I'd start a new blog post.

Okay, what do you think angels are because, frankly, the whole angels with wings thing just does NOT sit with me. ... I wonder, do you think wings are what you see or do you think wings are what you interpret? For that matter, do you think bodies are what you see or what you interpret? I'm extremely curious about this whole subject.

What do I think about Angels? I think they are not human, nor ever were human. These are not ghosts or spirits. They are a higher energy/life force than us, but "higher" doesn't automatically mean more advanced or superior. They're just different and they do seem to watch over us, and even communicate with and protect us at times.

They have been called many things by many different cultures, but the basic concept is always the same - they are messengers and protectors who work for God. Depending on your spiritual/religious faith you could call them Higher Beings or Light Beings and change the word "God" to Creator, Source or Great Spirit or... it's all the same really.

I think the wings and body shapes are purely symbolic. It's no more than a way to convey an idea or a message. It is interesting to me how angels are shown as winged and pretty in religious Christian art. Fact is the Bible makes no reference to angels having wings... or being pretty! In fact some angels are downright scary. Angels as messengers seem to mostly look human - no wings. I'm not even sure Archangels are ever described as winged. Cherubim were described as having wings, but in their case this is multiple wings and even multiple heads! Our modern image of a cherub as a fat baby is actually based on the ancient god of love - Cupid. So Biblical angels looked either completely human or extremely inhuman. I believe the inhuman versions, such as cherubim, is simply symbolism.

The best way I can explain that is to tell another story. I mentioned in Reflections that I saw my family's angels clearer the second time around. At the time I wasn't sure if it was right to give the details of what I saw in public, but I think it might help to do so.

What I saw was very symbolic and fitted each person in my family. My dad's angel looks exactly like the angels you get on Christmas trees. Pretty, blonde, white wings. Traditional and sort of heart-warming, which fits my dad perfectly! My mom's angel I only got wings at first. Very beautiful wings marbled in black, cream and deep rose pink. Then later it opened the wings to show... a Griffin's head! My mom's guardian is a Griffin. This fits her family ancestry/history.

I first saw my guardian angel as a wolf or a dog. No wings, not even human, but always there protecting me and watching over me... and in forms I like and feel happy with - I love dogs and wolves. :-) Once in a dream I saw "him" as a man with black wings, but only very recently have the two images blurred into each other and now sometimes I see the wolf and sometimes the human figure with black wings. The black wings are for crow - a bird that has special meaning for me.

So each angel/guardian appeared in a form that each person could relate to and feel good about. But the most vivid example of how this is purely symbolic was my husband's guardian.

I saw a female wearing a golden mask. The mask changed twice and both times the symbols were things that relate very personally to my husband. I asked this angel to show me her face... and she took off the mask.

For a few seconds I saw a woman's face, but then it began to change. The face became another woman, then another - Black, White, Asian, old young, pretty, plain, even famous - I saw Cher's face in there! The faces were changing every second and grew faster until they were just a blur and that was when the angel put the mask back on.

... because they are all just masks. The faces, the wings, the body shapes are just make-believe masks. Human minds can't cope with a creature that has such a vastly different make-up to us so they create these "masks" of symbols and shapes we find easy to accept.

I also think/believe we come into contact with the human shape angels in our lives without realising it, or only realising it later. I have had an experience like that. In hospital about 15 years back a nurse came to me after my operation and told me "Don't be afraid. God is taking care of you." This male nurse was very distinctive and easy to remember. Firstly, male nurses are fairly rare and this guy was tall, well-built and very black. He looked like a Zulu. I waited to see him again, to thank him, but he never returned to my ward. Eventually I asked about him, but the doctors and nurses said no-one like that worked at the hospital. He simply did not exist.
I was completely awake when he spoke to me, admittedly I was in a lot of pain, but not to the point of hallucinating and creating big Zulu guys in Nurse uniforms! Was he an angel messenger? I like to think so.

He's not a unique story either. I've heard so many stories of people who have been helped or warned by strangers who just seem to appear and then... gone. I have no firm explanation on what they are, or why they sometimes step in to help us, but I'm glad to know they do seem to watch over us.

Reflections

...  

My dad took this photo in Glastonbury. It's of an altar cloth covered in embroidered angels. If you kind of squint and concentrate you can just see me standing on the right. I love this photo, even though it failed as an attempt to get a clear shot of that altar cloth. I love it because the colours are so beautiful and because every time I look at it I feel like who I am makes sense. 

The hardest thing about having any kind of extra-sensory ability is in trying to explain it. Most of the time words just don't seem to fit and I'm left feeling frustrated... but with this photo I can show what I cannot tell. When I "see and hear" things they are almost always in my mind and not literal. It's as if my brain gets a double image - my thoughts with this other reality beyond them. Just like that photo with it's reflections of worlds within worlds I see and hear in another layer reflected through from one of those other worlds. Just like that photo it can be confusing to make out the details, but there's never any doubt that I am seeing two very different realities reflected over each other. 

Sometimes the reflections on the glass in my mind obscure parts of what I get and then I'm left with pieces and fragments only. Other times it all just "clicks" and the reflection fades... and I see through the glass in perfect clarity. Those perfect clear moments are a "high" that cannot be matched. I had a moment like that on the way home from our holiday. Usually I don't share things like this in public, but I think I need to be true to who I am more. 

On the way home on the motorway I was drifting as I listened to music on the radio. Being a passenger in a car is the closest I get to meditating. ;-) Everywhere else I'm either too busy or too easily distracted. So we were on the motorway (M1 going North) where I had loads of time to drift and "car meditate". I kept seeing this angel sitting on our car roof. Looking a bit bored, chin in hand. Sitting sideways with his feet dangling over my window. I've seen this angel around me before. I suspect he's always been around me - my guardian angel, for want of a better description.

I tried to see if I could see anyone else's guardian angels. What I got was a lot more than I'd expected. This time I saw my husband's angel and I also saw the wings of my mom's angel and my dad's. No more than that though. I got a bit frustrated that I couldn't get more detail and kind of gave up… started watching the scenery and passing cars. That was when I realised I could feel angels everywhere. I felt them first, very intense, then started to see them. Not clear, but clear enough to say there was an angel sitting in the lotus position on top of the large lorry/truck in front of us.

I even saw two angels playing what looked like dominoes on top a car full of a mom-dad-kids family. They realised I could see them and waved... I did not wave back! All the angels seemed to realise I could see them at that moment and for a while the sensation was very intense. A wonderful feeling of everyone being connected. Like a huge crazy web of light threads from every car, and person and angel. Then we pulled off the motorway to have a meal and I lost the connection, but that vision of all those angels above every car will never leave me.

Looking back at that photo I had another idea. Maybe the "glass" is more like that mirror glass that becomes transparent when light shines through it. Without the light all you see is your own reflection... then someone turns on the light behind it and *BANG* - you can see straight through!

That really fits for me. I even know what acts as the switch that flips on the light. The switch is always Love, one way or another. Which makes perfect sense really - Light is just Love made visible.

:-)...

The Wisdom of Solomon

For the record this title is not my choice. Solomon chose it. Every time I read it I smile, because it is so typical of his humour. You could ask Sol and he'd vouch for the fact that this was his choice of title - if you could see him to ask. Sol has never literally been visible to talk to, because Sol is a spirit guide.

When I was young I read about psychics who spoke of having spirit guides. I thought the idea was incredibly creepy, plus it irritated my rebellious ego. These people were taking guidance from a completely unknown source?

No

thank

you!

There were only two sources I was willing to take instructions from - God and my own conscience. Beyond those two I felt everything else should be scrutinised thoroughly. I still do. I'm always a little wary of advice from people. Humans have their own personal "agendas". We are rarely as objective as we think. We often hide our true motives, even from ourselves. That's why I like animals. Animals are always true to themselves. When I first started learning more about Native American beliefs I liked the idea of animal totems right away, so it wasn't surprising that I found it easy to meditate and connect to animal totems.

Elephant came through the easiest, I suspect because I have always loved elephants. I naturally assumed that elephant was my totem animal, but when I asked that specific question I was very disappointed to receive the answer "NO." I was a slow learner, for about three years elephant was there in my dreams, my meditation and even began to pop into my everyday thoughts. I regularly received hints and messages that elephant wasn't a totem, but I ignored them. I'd probably still be none the wiser if I hadn't had a rare moment, a few years back, when my psychic abilities tuned in and worked perfectly.

I was watching a TV documentary on World War 2. Eastern Europe. They were showing a little village in Eastern Europe where the entire Jewish population had been wiped out. As I watched the TV words suddenly filled my head. A whole stream of lamenting, in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew, but I have heard it spoken and I recognised the language. I mentally asked what the he** was going on and in my mind I received back one shocked English sentence - "You can hear me!"

From that moment everything changed and I began fitting the pieces into place. Elephant never was a totem. In fact Elephant wasn't even an elephant! A spirit had been using elephant to communicate with me. In my mind he appeared in that shape because my mind found the idea of seeing a dead person too disturbing. An elephant in your head is quirky, maybe even a bit crazy, but still amusing enough to cope with. Dead people wandering around in your thoughts is not! Nowadays Sol still appears as an elephant, but only because I prefer him that way. He's cuter as an elephant. I also suspect he enjoys the joke of being a "Patriarchal Pachyderm".

Sol isn't at all what I expected. At first I thought spirit guides would be scary. They're not, they're just people. Then, when I started accepting the concept of guides/teachers I expected them to be more like messengers from God - angelic. Sol is not angelic. Why should he be? He's a 500 year dead Eastern European Jew, not an angel. He has ideas and opinions, but they are his, not messages from God. He has never tried to pretend otherwise. He likes jokes I consider crude, he teases a lot, and as much as I hate to admit it, he is wise. Getting to understand that wisdom is tricky though. Except for that one night I have never heard him again. I get an elephant doing mime in my brain. Symbols, pictures and sometimes words or a single sentence, but not spoken. More like seeing it written down in your head. It's like communicating by playing charades.

I do get it wrong from time to time. Mostly when I try too hard to interpret what I'm seeing instead of just trusting, and saying, what I see. A prime example is the day I was chatting to a friend. (details slightly altered to protect my friend's personal story) His girlfriend had just dumped him without warning or explanation. I saw Sol-the-elephant sitting on the girl and squashing her flat. I told my friend and we took it to mean that Sol disapproved of her behaviour and was getting revenge for my dumped friend by squishing the girl.

We were wrong.

A few months later my friend contacted me to say that he'd found out that the week his girlfriend dumped him had been the week she had a nervous collapse. Basically her life was a mess and the stress got too much. Worries and stress were squashing her as flat as Sol's big ellie butt. We hadn't understood the message at all! Sol wasn't punishing her, he was pointing out exactly the state she was in at that moment. Good news is that the girl got help and the two of them are back together again.

Sol is very patient with my dense-ness. He doesn't give up, even when I do, or want to. Just like an elephant he is big, immovable and hard to ignore. He pops into my head without warning. At the moment he's waving his trunk. He has thrown up a heart that burst into a hundred heart bubbles... and he is grinning now. That's how he sees the internet - bubbles. Bubbles of thoughts, ideas, emotions, travelling across the world. He's still blowing heart-bubbles with one of those little sticks children use. Pink heart bubbles of love. I really like that!

It should be weird getting pictures of heart bubbles in your head from a Jewish elephant, but it's too zany to be disturbing. Not that everything he brings is funny. One of the first times I ever allowed myself to trust and just say what I saw he gave me a symbol for an online friend. A gift from a dead father to the daughter he loved and still loves. The gift made no sense to me, but it did to her. I had no way of knowing that what seemed a crazy symbol to me would be something that would touch her heart.

To be able to do that, even once, is worth living with an elephant in your head.

Connections

...
Yesterday I read a book quote at Amel's:

There were some sentences that stood out like an elephant in front of my eyes: No life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. There are no random acts. We are all connected.

It gave me a jolt because elephants have often been "messengers" for me, one way or the other. The first time I ever journeyed/travelled in meditation I saw an elephant. I asked him if he was African or Indian and he replied "All elephants are family. We are one."

All of my life's journeys and adventures have kept coming back to these sentences - We are all connected. We are one. Nothing is random or coincidence.

Yesterday I read five people on different blogs saying how surprised they were to see something they had written. Thought or done that day on someone else's blog as well.

No random events? No coincidences?

I have belonged to several internet forums, ranging from sceptic to spiritual. Although very different in their choice of topics, all of them were specifically designed for teaching and learning. With blogging I had thought I was breaking away from the whole learning/teaching experience, but I've come to realise that even here learning still happens. It comes from the same source too - sharing. Sharing our knowledge, our experiences and ourselves.

Most people I have met online are here to learn more about themselves. Some don't realise it, but many are consciously aware of the fact that they are writing out their thoughts in order to understand themselves better. To learn what lies within by looking at themselves from without.

I've learnt that everyone I have met online has served to be my teacher, one way or another. Every internet encounter I have had has shown me things I needed to learn about myself. I suppose that is why I do believe in a higher power, since I have always received exactly what I needed to learn and grow at exactly the right stage along my life's journey. I love that! I also love reading other people's words and seeing how other people are dealing with their own life journeys and challenges. That's why the list of blogs I read is so varied - because every life journey is interesting and worth reading. Like Amel's book says:

No life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. There are no random acts. We are all connected.

..

Crow Feet and Elephant Eyes

...

When a Native American internet friend introduced me to the idea of totem animals several years back it was more like reaching home via an unexpected new route than venturing into alien territory. I've always felt a strong connection to animals. As a kid I wanted to grow up and be a vet. The only ghost I can actually remember seeing was an animal. I trust animals. The whole idea that spirit animals might walk with us as teachers and guides seemed perfectly feasible to me. If I can have a guardian angel, according to my school Bible study classes, why not a guardian spirit-animal?

Since that internet friend sent me my first link to animal totems I must have wandered on through a dozen more websites related to the topic. I can't say everything fits my belief system, but it has a natural wisdom that appeals to that die-hard nine year old Pantheist within me. Some places talk about Life totems, journey totems, Power animals and dozens of other variations. Personally I don't think it matters much. Labels and symbols are man-made inventions. If we can use old ones created by our ancestors then why can't we create our own? It is a new Millennium, after all!

I have no idea if Crow officially is my "life totem" or "journey totem". All I know is that when I asked for a sign as to where next to put my feet... Jesus gave me a crow. It made perfect sense at the time. It still does. I can see myself in a crow. Smart, but a bit clumsy, whacky, but sometimes wise. Crow is the bird which some cultures say 'walks between worlds.' Crow is the bird in our back garden who slipped off the fence and got his head caught between the picket fence posts. Yep, I'm a crow! ;-)

As for elephant.. long before crow entered my life there was elephant, or elephants. When I was little I had several toy elephants. Up until recently I hadn't realised how many. A knitted one, a velvet one, a brooch one and loads of plastic ones. I drew elephants, made a collage of them out of felt, and in art college I painted my very first oil painting of the ultimate elephant-symbol - Ganesh.

Our class had gone on a religion themed field trip through churches, synagogues and the brand new temple the local Indian community had just finished building. From the outside it was a square glass-walled building supporting a fresh new pine wood dome. Inside it was a glowing frosted glass meringue filled with marigolds. There, surrounded by other gods I never noticed, "he" sat watching me... Ganesh. Carved in India from the finest marble, now he sat in Africa dressed in silk and flowers. He stared down at me with dark and beautiful eyes; It was love at first sight. This amazing god with the head of an elephant. I couldn't wait to capture him in a painting. I wanted to show how I saw in him the way everything connected. Nature, animals, God and people.

The emotions were splendid... the painting wasn't. :-( Ganesh ended up a very frightening neon pink. The only thing I got right were the eyes. Those lovely deep wise god-in-elephant eyes.

Over the next twenty years I can't remember thinking much about elephants. Now and then I'd stop to admire a statue or painting of Ganesh at the shops in the Indian section of town, but that was all. Then one day (five years and one week ago) I stepped onto an airplane on the most important journey of my entire life. I was very excited and also very nervous. Not because I was taking the first long-distance flight of my life, but because I was also taking the biggest leap of faith of my entire life. I was on my way to visit the man I was to marry. A man I had never met before.

As I went to sit down I saw that there was a magazine on my seat, it had been left behind by another traveller. I picked it up and it fell open at an article on photography and Art. Below each photo there was a famous quote and on the page the magazine had opened at was a full page photo of a statue of Ganesh. Below the photo was this quote...

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

..and I knew I would be fine.

After that I started reading more seriously about Ganesh. I still only know a tiny fragment of all there is to know about this wonderfully embracing Indian god. I wouldn't even dare to presume to write about him. All I can do is write how that wise elephant-eyed god brought me one step closer to my love.

A few years later (married and moved to the other side of the world) I dreamt that God came down to earth as a real elephant, unlike Ganesh with his elephant head. In my dream I was told that to look at this elephant-god would bring about instant death. Everyone fell to the floor, or closed their eyes, when he entered the room, but I tripped and fell. Even in dreams I have the grace of a crow! He put out his trunk to catch me and I looked up... into God-as-an-elephant eyes. I did not die, instead he stared into me and I felt such peace.

I met an elephant in another dream a few months after that. This time I asked, "are you an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"

The elephant looked at me with those deep brown sad clown eyes and said, "All elephants are family. We are One."

For the believer God IS and for the atheist God Isn't.

For some God is an old man with a beard or an earth mother with a swollen belly.

...for me God lies in elephant eyes.