As much as I enjoy the giving and getting of presents and watching "feel good" Christmas movies, that's not at all what this season is about for me.
As far back as I can remember, the true magic lies in stars and wise men willing to follow them, simple shepherds experiencing the unimaginable and the most humble birth of a child. The fact they are woven through with older religions gifting us traditions like Yule logs, Christmas trees, mistletoe only adds to the magic and wonder of it all. For anyone with northern ancestors, across Europe and Asia, this is the season of darkness that will be rebirthed into light.
Every year, even as a child, I like to take some time to be quiet and feel that deeper meaning. I'll turn off the lights and sit by the Christmas tree (under it when I was little!), sit with a candle or stand in my bedroom and look out at the stars. Joy is great, fun too, but for me there has to be the counterbalance of stillness. A moment when the noise and frantic bustle of the season fades away, and I find myself in the light again.
This has become even more important as the years have passed. In part because modern advertising is more and more aggressively based in consumerism rather than caring, demanding we spend and SEE THIS SALE. But in larger part I need that quiet moment because the longer you live on Earth, the more empty chairs you have at your table.
In December 2017, we lost my dad and that has taken a huge part of the joy out of this holiday for me and my family, but he is only one empty chair of many. I'm not unique or alone in having those empty chairs. Every single person I know has at least one. This particular year, I have two dear friends who have lost parents this December and another who is waiting for that inevitable farewell with her mom.
The empty chairs aren't only loved ones who have passed, but also friends who moved on
and relationships that didn't last. Christmas can be magical,
but it also reminds us of what we have lost or maybe never had. And
that is painful, especially when the adverts and movies are all so over-the-top with the JOY and FUN.
Sometimes, the only way you can rekindle your light is to take time to sit with your darkness.
Try it. Find a quiet moment or place and sit with the dark. You can choose your own variation, but sitting in an empty room with a Christmas tree or by a window looking at the stars are my favourites. The dark isn't the enemy or something to be feared. The dark is completely non-judgemental. Let it wrap itself around you like a mother's loving arms; it will hold you gently. Just be with it and let all the noise go, including the voice in your head with its list of things you should be doing or should have done. Let it all go...
... and look for the light.
Even if it's only a tiny star or one candle; it's there, and it has always been there. The light that is life and love. It is the very core of everything, including you and everyone you love, have loved or will love. So, this year I'm wishing you find your light in the darkness, but also find the way to let the dark embrace you. They need each other as much as we need them both. And wherever you are... may the light of love find you and always guide you home.
"It's hard to remain unbound when the world wants to keep you in chains.
Are you free? And if you're not, what is holding you back?
I am convinced that no amount of peace can spring from even a sliver of bondage.
Figure it out. What is keeping you bound?
When you fight for your freedom you are fighting for your peace.
When we fight for OUR freedom, we are fighting for our peace.
That's everything."
I must admit, this one stumped me. Am I literally free? No. What keeps me bound, what is holding me back? Lack of money. Can I fix that? Unlikely.
Then I thought about the gloriously ironic problem facing the mega-rich preppers. It seems many super-rich are building survival bunkers, in case of the collapse of civilisation due to an apocalyptic event or 3rd world war. Thing is... once the world falls apart, money ceases to have meaning. These darling rich dumbos have realised, after carefully constructing the ultimate luxury survival bases, that those people they take with them as bodyguards and servants won't see any salary as worthwhile once money has no worth. And then? What if the bodyguards just kick you out and take over your secret blankie fort?
In a post-apocalypse world, money will have no power. Money as freedom will be an illusion.
Such a hilarious conundrum!
Are the mega-rich paranoid? Are we seeing the collapse of civilisation? It's possible. Many modern nations possess weapons capable of destroying entire cities or small countries. The modern nuclear bombs are 80 times more powerful than those used on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. How much land can you destroy with a bomb 80 times bigger?
And even before we get to that stage (which seems more and more possible, recently), there's the other problem so many places are facing - internal disintegration. I'm watching my American friends online talking about the polarisation and paranoid hate of their opposing political parties. There's mass-hysteria and paranoia everywhere I turn. I'm seeing it in news and family/friend stories from Africa, Asia, Europe, Britain... our old political systems are collapsing. They will go extinct, same as any other dinosaur, but until that is over our lives are all affected. We are living in a time of flux and change. We cannot stop this; it is inevitable. And that is scary, but also exciting.
The positive thing about the mega-rich realising money is an illusion is that it shows us where the power actually lies. Real power is in your hands. It always has been and always will be. Power comes from people working together. Freedom comes from realising there is no "YOU vs ME", only "US".
We are all one species on a planet that could very possibly tear itself apart. The only way we can get through that, and thrive rather than merely survive, is by realising we are all one. No countries, no races, no ridiculous prejudices based on inconsequential man-made things like politics and religions. We are ONE species, quite as capable of extinction as any other. But we need to wake up and realise that.
Ultimately, the only freedom you have lies within you, not around you. Your mind is your freedom. Your soul/conscience is your freedom. You are as free as your thoughts, when you decide for yourself rather than allowing others to influence or manipulate what you think. You are as free as your integrity, when you base it on your spiritual connection to Creator/Creation rather than the morality of other peoples' ideologies.
Freedom is an illusion until you claim your core freedoms.
And that Peace cannot be taken from you.
I've chosen a quote from one of my books, this year. It sums up my personal opinions as well as the opinion of my book character.
It's official! My books are rebranded on Amazon as a linked series. They have new covers and some new content.
For old fans, do not despair! Nothing good was removed or taken out, and not much has been added. A few continuity issues between book 1 and 2 needed sorting, and otherwise the only difference is a "bit of polish", as in improved proofing and formatting.
The old books covers had to go. No one liked them, not even me. They, as one reviewer complained, did nothing for the story. The new covers have so far had a great response in preview. I love them, I hope you do too.
I
originally proofread and edited my books when I was sick with
Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis. Unfortunately, both illnesses give you
brain fog, and my recollection of removing all typos and errors was not
the case. The fact there were still errors has freaked me for years. I'm so glad it's done! I owe that in large part to my husband, who paid to have them properly proofread this time. :) I've added his name as "contributor" to both books, as a “Thank You”.
The new Amazon series section has this up for series information:
Book 1 of 2: FIRST LIGHT
Book 2 of 2: WISDOMS OF THE LIGHT
The lands of Sindorus are controlled by the militant Za-Har and their despotic leader, the Zah-Riel. For centuries, they have ruled through fear. No one is beyond their control.
Or so they think…
In this world without hope, where nature is dying and colour is a crime, an older power is awakening.
From the far South, where the rebels continue fighting for freedom, to the North, where life is a constant juggling of lies and deceptions, their world is about to undergo an extreme transformation.
And everything is interconnected.
“You seek the truth, that is always the first step, and you see the colours. I’ve noticed that much more in the past months. Something has awakened you.”
Trust the Light.
What Readers are Saying
‘A remarkable variety of issues and insight that is woven into an intricate tapestry of a story that has not one loose thread. Powerful, disturbing and yet beautifully inspiring.’
‘First Light is a story and a myth, an allegory and a prophecy. It is a story of the heart, of hope and courage.’
‘the story's metaphorical layers have great relevance for the times in which we live. A wonderful read--one that people from ages 10 to 100 can enjoy and benefit from.’
‘The characters being so utterly vivid and the very idea behind the story being woven into a pattern, where at times you know exactly where the story is headed for, only to realize on the next page that you haven't got a clue, make this book a true page turner.’
‘What I like most about this book, which I also loved about the first book, is that it surprises you around every corner. You think you have something all figured out and then you get a few chapters on and suddenly all is not what it seemed.’
‘From the very first page you are taken on a journey immersed with completely believable characters who take root in your heart and won't let go.’
‘Beautifully written, her poignant, memorable characters draw you into a tale filled with the struggle for freedom and balance. Satisfying to the mind, heart, and soul.’
I saw this picture on a friend's Facebook today...
... it hit home for several reasons.
The first being that this was something I failed badly at, when I was young; I regularly dimmed my light when I was a teen. It started after I moved countries, at age 10, and wanted to just "fit in" at my new schools in a strange new culture.
Looking back, I can see that a lot of the "me" from those high school years (I was 12 when I entered high school) was barely visible and often hardly ME at all. And even after I finished school, the ME I truly was had become so buried under the "me" I wore to be accepted that I really only managed to be my true self in small bursts, usually when I was too tired or too emotional to care if anyone was offended or scared by my brightness.
In my late 30s, I had just begun peeling back the dimness and was beginning to shine, when I married and moved countries again. Immigrating triggered all those old feelings of insecurity, of not "fitting", and sadly, once again, I began to dim myself down in order to fit in.
It's taken me a long time to understand that there's a lot more to dimming my light than I realised. And Facebook made me notice that. You see, on Facebook I have gathered everyone I want to keep contact with in a fast-easy way. That includes a very varied range of people, from childhood friends and family to new friends and people I know through various work/interests.
This is what happened - I began to lose friends. A few at first, but these last 18 months it's been more. I began to think, "What is wrong with me?" Today I realised... there's nothing wrong with ME, but there was a lot wrong with the dim "me" I was still, often unconsciously, using to fit in. I lost Facebook friends because many of those very different people only knew the dimmed "me" I had used when we were together. But once they were all on my Facebook wall, all in the same "room", there was no way I could juggle all the dimmed "me" variants and the real ME started to emerge.
I'd say, at this stage, I'm the brightest ME on Facebook that I've ever been. And that ME is ever evolving as I open up to who I truly am. And that has caused problems. People have un-friended ME, because I've been "too" -. "too loud", "too quiet", "too Left", "too Middle of the Road", "too forceful", "too soft"... I've had all of those as accusations. And they have hurt at times. The old "me" wanted to scrabble madly to fit in, but on social media, under so much scrutiny, it was impossible to please everyone and so... I began choosing what pleased me.
I embraced my "too much" and accepted my "too bright-ness". I'm still working on this and yes, sometimes I'm still losing friends. I lost a dear friend recently. This person left me with "too blunt" and "too forceful". Am I? I have others who grumble that I'm "too accepting", "too polite" and "too forgiving". Am I both? Or am I just... ME. Messy, complicated, still evolving. A star in the process of learning how to be a sun. Sometimes burning things, but always unintentionally. Trying to be warming, but aware that some can only cope with so much brightness.
So, whoever you are, whatever type of star you might be, or be in the
process of becoming... just SHINE. Those that need your light will find
you and yes, those that aren't able to cope will move on. Love them and
let them go. They are their own stars, they will find their own place in
the sky to shine.
This drawing was for a chapter on how, and why, ordinary individuals lose their self-identity when they join group belief systems. The harmful systems, such as cults and extremist political groups, in particular.
On January 6th 2021, I saw this illustration in action on the TV news when mobs attacked the Capitol Building in the USA. It was a strange feeling. I'd been convinced this would happen for over four years and yet seeing what I had feared happening was still shocking.
I first heard about Donald Trump about five years ago. I guess he was well known to many by then, but I'm not much into paparazzi or reality TV. I had no idea who he was until he exploded into Scottish news with a new golf course he was proposing to build in our county. Within a very short time, he had managed to antagonise a large percentage of Scottish people with his bullying business tactics that eventually revealed him to be a greedy, vindictive, and untrustworthy liar. "What a nasty little man," I thought to myself, and dismissed him.
When he reappeared on the news a while later, as a candidate for the US presidential elections, I was bemused. Did he really think people would vote for a crooked businessman as president? Was he really that much of an egotist? I decided to watch one of his campaign speeches to see.
And my blood ran cold.
I'd seen this scenario played out on old TV news reels, but I never expected to see it live in my own lifetime. No matter how derogatory and hate-based his speech became, the crowds cheered. I don't know how many of Trump's campaign speeches I ended up watching, I just remember the important bits. Like the night he made fun of a disabled reporter and the constant, pounding messages so similar to those that Hitler had used on his own doting fans.
And why did it work then? For the exact same reasons it worked now: because the Germans were desperate for positive change. Germany was reeling from the harsh WWI reparations and the Great Depression. People had no jobs, no money, no hope. They were starving for hope and Hitler fed them the two things needed to fulfil them: a promise of making Germany great again and someone to blame.
Make Germany great again... because it's not your fault, Mr Ordinary-German with your wife and two kids. You are the chosen one. The true people. The higher blood line. You deserve better. You deserve the best. And it was taken from you... by THEM.
THEM.
The disabled, the gays, the lesser races who take your jobs, your women, your country's money and resources. Don't hate yourself. Don't ever take responsibility. Blame THEM and follow me. I will make us great again.
You know, I listed them in that order, because the Nazis used the "final solution" on the disabled and elderly before they moved on to homosexuals, Jews, Gypsies, Jehovah Witnesses...
THEM.
Let's blame them. Let's rally up our mob mentality and blame THEM: the Hispanic races, the Mexicans, the disabled, the homosexuals, Trans kids wanting to be safe in public toilets, fleeing refugees, Canadians, journalists, women with an opinion, Muslims, the Left, The Democrats...
THEM.
You know, even as I watched Trump going on about how evil and bad THEY were, even as I felt that ice-cold fear of recognition, I still told myself I was paranoid. And surely people would not vote this man into office? Surely people would see through his egomania and be turned off by his hate-filled prose? But I'd forgotten my book illustration and that chapter on how easily people are sucked into belief systems that seem insane to those watching from the outside.
For the last four years, I've constantly tried to make those in the spiral see that this man they follow is a narcissist. Constantly said "He is dangerous." He is hate-filled. He twists the truth to suit his own agendas and he cares NOTHING for anyone but his own self. He fuels bigotry and fear of anyone different. He makes them the problem; the obstacle that needs to be overcome in order to make everything great again. In doing so, he has even made good people believe bad things. I know families and friends who have turned against each other because of this man's constant messages of hate.
And now, as the world watches the USA reeling like some boxer punch-drunk from too many blows, I'm saying it again. This man has done serious harm and he will continue to be dangerous until you tackle his legacy: the hate.
His leaving the White House will change nothing until people on all sides return to seeing each other clearly, as individuals of the same country, with the same right to respect. If you cannot let go of hating THEM, there will never be a healthy US (play on words intended).
It's up to all of you now, Americans. Left, Right or whatever; all races, genders, religions. YOU are the country and only your strength and compassion can put it back together again.
When I first sat down to write a post for this year's event... words left me. There was no room for them. All the space inside me was taken up with emotion.
This has been an exceptionally emotional year on a global level. We started with devastating fires in Australia (how we worried for friends and family over there!) and went straight on into Covid19 with its assorted political chaos, worldwide protests and then even more climate disasters. We have been inside a storm, not for days but for months. All of us. Everyone. No one is untouched by this year's events.
Canberra, Orroral Valley,
January 28, 2020. New research suggests the recent record-breaking heat
in Australia, which is linked to climate change, helped
increase the region’s fire risk by at least 30 percent. https://www.sciencenews.org/article/australia-wildfires-climate-change Nick-D/Wikimedia Commons (CC BY-SA 4.0)
All of this has taken its toll. I'm seeing more angry people than ever before. Because fear makes people angry, it's a natural survival mechanism. Fear makes us feel out of control - rage gives back the feeling of control. Rage helped us fight off the predatory beasts when we were a young species still throwing rocks and sticks.
Anger can be very useful as it gives us the courage to face our demons, but it has to be wielded with calm and a clear mind. Thoughtless anger is chaos. It's the mob burning innocent women as witches and the person refusing to wear a mask during Covid19 because they are secretly, deeply, afraid. Terrified that the virus really exists, so they pretend it's a hoax. Terrified that if it is a hoax some secret and even worse harm is being done to them, such as taking away their personal power and freedoms.
Terrified.
Just as you have to turn and face the wolves on the path, you have to face what you fear. You cannot fix the problem, or slay the demon, without first understanding the fear beneath your anger.
For me, it's been the realisation that I get most angry when I see people being irrational. Why? Because I fear they might do/say things they will regret once they've calmed down enough to see the truth. My rage is based on my fear of them doing terrible harm: to me or to others, to themselves and to their countries or our planet. But to find that truth I had to step back and see with my heart.
What secret fear drives your anger?
Turn around and face it.
Find the truth in your heart.
Then take that truth and reclaim your power.
The phrase "2020 vision" means to have perfect eyesight; to see with utter
clarity. Could there be a better wish for this 2020 year than that? To
see clearly, from the heart?
If being separated from each other during Covid19 has only one positive result it should be this: that in being forced apart we finally realised we are all in this together. One planet and one humanity.
In this year of 2020 vision, give us the clear sight needed to see through lies and illusions. Help us to heal our planet, our people, our families and our nations. Allow us to see how all is connected and everything sacred. No nation greater, no species of less value, no race above another.
Give us the wisdom to understand that anger at injustice is as much a sacred flame as love and forgiveness. Teach us to wield the sword of truth gently and with honour, and help us to once again believe in each other: our beauty, our frailty, our courage and our compassion.
Grant us the blessing of compassion for those who would destroy us through their ignorance or fear. And when the night seems dark and endless, remind us of that small, enduring light named kindness. Let us carry it forward with us, each of us, all of us, in every heart. Dona nobis pacem... grant us peace.
A long time ago, in a living room far far away... I discovered the awesome powers of the Green Chickens of Mars.
It began one average day. I was talking to a family member (you know who you are! :P ) and had a hunch that they weren't actually listening to me. I'd say something... they'd go "mmm?" or "mmm..."
A strange, mad power enveloped me... I opened my mouth and said, "They've discovered green chickens on Mars."
My non-listener replied, "mmmm..."
I finally had proof!
Since then, for well over two decades, I have used the Green Chickens of Mars whenever I'm in doubt that people are listening to me. It works brilliantly and instantly picks out who was utterly not listening...
Me: "The Green Chickens of Mars are invading this summer."
Them: "mmm..."
from those who were half listening, but need to be refocused...
Me: "The Green Chickens of Mars have invented trans-dimensional time travel."
Them: "Uh... WHAT did you say? Chickens of WHERE?"
to the odd few who were actually listening...
Me: "The Green Chickens of Mars are famous for their minty freshness."
Them: "How does this relate to what we are talking about?"
Whichever reaction I end up with, it's always fun. I love those Green Chickens!
The old saying about pessimists seeing the glass half empty and optimists seeing it half full has been on my mind this morning. Some friends were talking about a news item about young man who
joined a hate-cult and went on a rampage, killing innocent people. They
were wondering why someone seemingly normal would join a group that did such terrible things and it got me
thinking...
What if it's about how we fill that glass?
I once knew a person who had belonged to a cult. What struck me today was not how a cult holds onto a person with various forms of brain-washing, but why someone is drawn to a cult in the first place. People naturally want and need their glass to be filled. By "filled" I don't mean the obvious things like money, love, fame and success. Those things are important, but what we all hunger most desperately for is PURPOSE.
Such a bland word, but without a sense of purpose we are nothing. It is more important than money or power or fame. I was about to add "or love" when I realised that purpose IS about love. Having a sense of purpose gives us self-respect, which is vitally important and strongly connected to self love.
Some people find their purpose in a career or a creative art form; many find it in religion. But it all boils down to the same thing... that worst emptiness in our glass of life is a lack of love. That emptiness might be that we were never loved as children or never taught how to love ourselves. We might be empty due to mental or even physical illness. Or perhaps we became empty when life broke us in some manner; through abuse, neglect, poverty or war.
An empty person searching to be filled is the dream target of every group, because he/she will do anything and try anything to fill that emptiness. Empty people are willing to spend more money. And empty people aren't only more willing to buy fake products they don't actually need... they're also more open to buying into fake news, fake political agendas and fake religions.
And once they're filled with poison and lies, they are completely ready to buy into being told that their emptiness was due to THIS group or THAT group taking what was rightfully theirs. So easy to create a scapegoat that the cult member is willing to kill.... so easy to change the word "cult" for any other type of hate group.
The only way I can see of stopping that is by teaching every child and person how to love themselves. Sounds trite, but you're not likely to be brain-washed if you trust your own judgement and you're not likely to turn on others in mindless rage if you are completely happy in your own skin.
I wrote my book to these songs, often repeated over and over for certain chapters or scenes. I don't want to add spoilers, but I think those who've read the book will guess enough if I add a few hints. ;)
First and foremost... this is Evelah's song. I found the theme for her existence the first time I watched this.
I took my first selfie this week. Yeah, I know - I'm a late bloomer!
I think many photographers fall into that trap of being more interested in what is around them. I love nature, I find human faces awesome (wish I was a portrait artist/photographer), but with all that looking outwards I tend to forget my eyes are in a face as well. LOL LOL
Drum roll moment... here I am. Taken on the spur of the moment, so excuse the crazy angle.
In February I gave an author interview for a book blogger and she kindly made my book covers into bookmarks. :-)
From March I was pretty quiet on my blog, because mid-year was taken up with other people's books. I did a few reviews, I helped a friend by proofing her book for publishing and I helped someone else ghost-write another book. And in between we had another friend come stay with us for a week's holiday!
In April one of my poems went to LA with a photography exhibition by Katherine Cooper...
In June I published a little book of my poetry and blog stories for friends and family. Including all the poems that had a very busy 2015. ;-) In July we dashed about Scotland with our friend, so there are no July blog posts, but loads of August posts of the photos we took that wonderful summer.
September was a whirlwind of emotions and happenings as I took part in the "60 ways to Peace" and Scotland steamed towards the independance referendum. I can sum up both of those events with a poster from the referendum.
September ended with me more active in politics than I have ever been in my life and I'm not the only one. The Scottish referendum set the country on fire and the blaze is still burning. It has led me to new friendships and helped inspire my Blogblast for Peace entry this November 4th.
I made another of my peace poems into a graphic for Facebook and blogs.And in October I lived up to that poem by joining several groups and organisations involved in positive change. :-)
In November I finally finished a video for my second book, WISDOMS OF THE LIGHT.
Here's a slide from that video...
This year has had some lows as well, including the sudden death of a friend and fellow-blogger's husband.
For Jurgis...
And for all those loved ones (friends or family) that we remember at this time of year...
Almost a year after publication, I finally got the promo video for "Wisdoms of the Light" up on Youtube today. I'm putting it up here on my blog, with some of the artwork slides I made.
The empty chairs aren't only loved ones who have passed, but also friends who moved on
and relationships that didn't last. Christmas can be magical,
but it also reminds us of what we have lost or maybe never had. And
that is painful, especially when the adverts and movies are all so over-the-top with the JOY and FUN. 
